i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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