Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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