Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
