So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
