just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
