she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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