He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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