You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Semen is not good for contacts.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The uberlube is also flammable
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
