so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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