I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
