the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
