the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
