If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize