you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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