walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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