so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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