I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
