i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
