News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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