He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize