JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
