I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
