I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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