make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
