Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
