Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
