Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize