It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
