Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
