she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
