Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
