Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
