Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
