So drunk its hurt
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize