please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
