I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
