Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
