please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
