i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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