i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I could make wine with my vomit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
