I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
