Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Less talking, more tequila
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
