Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
