im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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