Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
