just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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