and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
