Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize