I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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