need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
