alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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