Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
