no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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