New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
