either way he was missing a nipple.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
