So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize