It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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