It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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