We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
