Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
