also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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