Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
