At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
