This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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