For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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