So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
