she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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