I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
